August 29, 2024
So is what we see always what we think we see?
You tell me. After you read my confession.
Farewell At The Airport, Old Style
Years ago we had our family at the airport.
Now, this was before.
By that I mean before you were restricted. Before you couldn’t go past the security check unless you were a passenger.
Back then, everyone could go to the gate and see their loved ones off for their flight. The whole family could stand by the tall windows, and wave that plane right away from the boarding bridge. (In case you’re wondering, we went before there were boarding bridges, too. We love the airport.)
So, there we were, at the gate. We all had waited until our person boarded. We waved goodbye, unable to tell if they were actually looking (or could even see us through the treated glass). Then we made our way back to the train and the escalators, and finally back to the terminal. The airport in Atlanta is a big one. Maybe you know.
I Forgot
It was there, when we were almost to the exit doors, that I realized I had left my jacket on a chair in the waiting area near the gate.
Sometimes you can just say, “Never mind.” You can get another one. But this one, it was a gift from my mother-in-law. It was nice, and she would notice if I stopped wearing it.
You know what happened. My husband and children waited there in the terminal and meandered along the shops, people watching, while I went all the way back to the gate to get my jacket. Of course I wanted to hurry. And I’m good at hurrying. Ask anyone.
It’s my spiritual gift.
My Excellent Adventure
I took the escalator down. To speed things up, I even walked down some of the escalator steps which I had told our children never to do or you will get your legs cut off.
When the train wasn’t waiting for me, I decided to use the people movers. Those belts like a grocery store checkout.
Not gonna lie here. I love those things way more than I should. The idea that you can actually jump on them and ride? (Don’t do this at Publix. They get mad.) It was kind of like a really good dream. But it was real.
I leapt along that thing like a (slightly awkward) gazelle, hoping I wouldn’t break a leg when it ended and I was on the regular floor again. You know, that sudden stop that you have to prepare for. When it ends, you need to take a couple of running steps .
I had to use several of the people movers to get to the concourse. The sequence was thrilling. People mover, still floor, people mover, still floor; it was like hurdles. I felt like an Olympic athlete. And I gotta say, I did really great.
Then up the escalator, again taking extra steps and praying I would not get my legs cut off. I ran down the long concourse to the gate, hoping the jacket would still be there. And it was.
And then that whole good part of my story happened again. I didn’t even look at the train. The return trip was even faster. Probably because I had that practice session on the way out. So after all that fun stuff in reverse, I arrived back with my family sooner than they expected, and that was that.
I can remember the feeling of being out of breath — the good happy kind, like after a roller coaster. The joy of the return, knowing what I had done. Even telling you the story, I can remember that hyper/excited feeling.
Except.
What They Saw
Except there was one other thing about this story. And here’s what it is:
People could see me. Nice people, like you.
In that important place that is The Airport, the place where Important Things Happen.
You know what I mean. Important things happen with Important People who have Business to conduct and Deadlines to meet.
They saw me running. And because I was in The Airport I could be a very Important Person. Maybe one with a Deadline and I was trying to reach the place in time.
They got out of the way. All of them. As if I were more Important than they were, as if my mission took precedence.
They stepped aside and watched, with concerned expressions, hoping they had helped me not miss whatever Important mission I was on. This woman, leaping and focused and determined. No one looked annoyed or inconvenienced. They knew I had a good reason for what I was doing.
And I did. I was running to get my jacket.
Unless they saw me on both trips, they didn’t figure it out. That I wasn’t trying to catch a plane, or give insulin to a relative, or deliver the kidney to the transplant team.
Did I deceive them?
I accepted their stepping aside gladly. I even accepted their sympathetic and even respectful looks. Like I was Important.
Looking back, there was the option to confess.
I could have said something.
“IjustforgotmyjacketfrommymotherinlawI’mnotImportant“
So they would not treat me better than I deserved.
Which I did not do. Because I had needs, right?
What was so great about this?
They gave me the benefit of the doubt. They treated me better than I deserved.
Are You Sure About What You see?
Drawing Conclusions
Our lives are jam-packed with these kinds of things. We see something, and we form an opinion. Or draw a conclusion.
- The kid in the class who acts out because his mom is in the hospital.
- The brusque server who just had her car repossessed and may lose her job after this day.
- The recovering alcoholic who politely refuses repeated invitations to a night out.
- The person in shabby clothes who earned a college degree in 2 years.
- The customer service agent who knows the reason for a difficulty but isn’t allowed to say it.
Things that don’t get explained. Things that look like something else. When you don’t ask if you’re sure about what you see.
Here’s what I wish.
I wish my mind would expand to allow for more grace in the unexplained.
I wish I always went for Important instead of Inconvenient.
I wish I always did what those strangers did for me.
I wish I assumed the more noble reason and the needs of others, instead of my own mistaken made-up opinion or my own feelings at the moment.
We can all make the choice: Be annoyed, or be kind.
In fact, we already are making the choice. Whether we see, or whether we understand.
Misunderstood. It’s the worst, and the root of almost every disagreement.
If I have to do it, misunderstand, I wish I could misunderstand up instead of misunderstanding down.
Remember 7 Habits of Highly Effective People? Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Habit 5.
Maybe the word “understand” is a little underrated. It seems like it’s know + care. Or something like that. It seems like maybe understanding is a bridge from apart to together.
Breath prayer: God, thank you for memories and people and grace. Thank you for people who assumed the best about me. Thank you for helping me become more understanding. Please don’t give up. Amen.
The Big Question:
Where’s your heart gonna be in the next interaction?
That’s what I’m asking myself. Am I gonna misunderstand up, like I planned?
Am I gonna let someone else be Important?
I’m Sorry.
Really. I’m sorry. That’s to the lady at Target I really almost blasted 5 years ago. And to the lady at Church that day, The one I didn’t know. I handed her off to someone else instead of staying with her. And to the kids at youth group or Sunday School that I scolded when I didn’t know the whole story. Or my own children or grandchildren for the same offense.
And all those others. I wish I had misunderstood up. I am sorry.
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Great reminder today which I sorely needed!! I will take this with me to think: misunderstand UP!
Sue, Thank you for that response! I guess if misunderstandings are destined to be with us, maybe we should make the best of them!