July 30, 2021
The new secret words to teach your children, in addition to please and thank you.
Four new phrases that delight. Because no matter what has happened, these four phrases gently open a door and deliver love. They are secret words that flow like refreshment over a weary heart.
The New Secret Words To Teach Your Children
You already know the old Magic Words: Please and Thank you.
Why do we call them magic?
Because they result in an unforeseen benefit. A surprise. They make things work better.
We call them magic because they are powerful, a way to conquer disharmony and division.
And don’t worry — their unseen power doesn’t come from any dark force. These words we are discussing today get their amazing power from the endless source of grace and love that exists in the heart of a believer in Christ.
Those old “magic words” are treasures.
They keep us in the lane, convey politeness, and build relationships.
We won’t be abandoning them.
We’re just adding something new.
Why “Secret” Words Instead of “Magic” Words?
Starting today, for me these are the “secret” words. After decades of hearing parents (including me) ask, “What’s the magic word?” I can still feel just a tiny shift in my comfort.
What is that? Maybe something that steps just a little too close to the edge.
Knowing there is a whole world of casting spells and drinking potions out there, I just can’t get close to that practice, or suggest that you do. For today, let’s pull away from that word so that we can embrace the power of kindness, grace, truth, and love that conquers all that other stuff.
To be fully honest with you, I don’t have a problem with saying “magic words” and you may not, either. So please know I’m not trying to make you feel bad.
The underlying reason? I just didn’t want Google to misunderstand me. We’ve got a whole nation of cute little girls looking on Google to make potions and cast spells. I want Google to know Jesus, and see Him in me.
Thanks for letting me say that. 😂 As usual, it’s probably a post for another day!
The New Secret Words To Teach Your Children That Open Doors
It’s true: No matter what has happened, these four phrases gently open a door and deliver love.
Life is full of closed doors, slammed doors, locked doors. Opportunities denied, relationships denied, healing denied.
And we have a human response: To shut down, to accept the restriction.
When can we overcome the closed doors?
When we ourselves have been filled with a supernatural love that has the power to surpass all that.
The words you will review today are already in your arsenal, and will be refilled as often as you use them.
And — I want you to consider something.
Not how you think people will feel when you say them.
Consider how you would feel if you heard these words from someone else.
In your sadness, loneliness, brokenness, weariness, how would you receive these words?
That’s what today is about: Secret words to teach your children, words that flow like refreshment over a weary heart.
And you know the other thing: They are secret words to teach yourself. 😉
The New Secret Words To Teach Your Children
Here are the four phrases:
- What can I do to help?
- Let’s spend a while together.
- Thank you for what you did.
- I’m sorry for doing that. I’d like to ask your forgiveness.
I know. It’s a lot more to remember than “please” and “thank you.”
If you think you already know these, you’re right. 👍🏼
Still, give me just about five minutes to dive into that understanding with real-life examples.
And guess what? It really is about the words.
Nothing in my hat, nothing up my sleeve. 🤲🏼 Promise.
Secret Words:
“What Can I Do To Help?”
You don’t have to know the answer before you show up. Just show up.
When you see someone with hands full, or frazzled, or overwhelmed in some way, try saying “What can I do to help?”
You may be given a task to lighten the load.
Or your offer may be declined.
But here’s the thing: It’s not. Not declined, not really. Because you showed love. And when the struggle is over, your words will still be there.
👉🏼Teach your young person to ask, “What can I do to help?”
Would you like a good picture of this? A story?
In a small town, on an ordinary day, a caretaker for a frail elderly person found her patient on the floor after a fall. Fortunately she was able to call for the EMT’s to come and assess the poor lady and help get her back into the bed.
But in small towns, as you know, things get attention. The flashing lights of the ambulance in the driveway certainly got noticed.
One neighbor/friend stopped. She knocked on the door, and the caretaker answered. Standing there on the porch, she said the secret words: “What Can I Do To Help?”
There was nothing required of her. No task was requested, and she went home. But her offer wasn’t declined. It was received. Now, probably 15 years after that day, her words of love are still in the treasury.
I am sure her Father is proud of her kindness.
Secret Words:
“Let’s Spend a While Together”
Everybody wants to think that their presence is pleasant and desired.
To request time with someone is a compliment, an approval of their friendship and personality.
Inviting a person to be with you is an expression of love. It says “You’re valuable; I enjoy you.” And it means you set aside the time to enjoy that person.
👉🏼Teach your young person the beauty of companionship, of side-by-side time.
(How about a bonus round for this small subject before we move on? When a child says “Will you play with me?” it means something else. What is it? It means “I’ve had a hard day.” Or something similar. Who knew?)
Secret Words:
“Thank You For What You Did”
The gift of gratefulness. Have you given it?
It’s not the same as the quick “Thanks” for passing the salt.
This “thanks” is the time you take to
- recognize someone’s effort or investment,
- describe the effect,
- declare the value,
- express appreciation.
What’s a good example?
“Thanks for taking over practice for me. Without you I couldn’t have met the other obligation. The team actually told me some great new ideas you brought. You made us all happy by stepping up when you did.”
One more: “Thanks for stopping by the other day. Your offer to help revealed the crisis was really over, and showed me I could calm down. And it just made me feel so loved in that moment.”
What is True Gratitude?
Gratitude is never the vague gladness or pleasure we mistakenly confuse with it.
Gratitude is to a person, the grantor of work or goods, the one who did something.
👉🏼Teach your children to express gratitude effectively.
Secret Words:
“I’m Sorry For Doing That. I’d Like To Ask Your Forgiveness.”
There have been times when someone offered to gloss over my mistakes. It sounds gracious, doesn’t it? And easy.
But what if it’s good frosting on a bad cake?
I’m saying this: To cover up isn’t the same as correcting.
Correcting may not be possible. But something else is: forgiveness.
To truly apologize, you must admit the grievance. It’s hard, but anything less may be a false restitution.
A true apology is a submission to someone else. It’s accompanied by humility, regret, and love.
I’ve had to say, “I’m sorry for hurting you that way. I don’t want you to say it’s okay. I want you to officially forgive me.”
Apologies involve more than verbalizing a word.
You know what I’m talking about: The grumbled “Sorry” that’s supposed to be a peace offering. Please don’t teach this one.
👉🏼Teach your children to acknowledge and correct, and to seek forgiveness.
Courtesy and Kindness
Teaching courtesy is a full-time job. And the pressure to display it ourselves increases when we start to think about our words.
So many things play into our failure to perform — fatigue, busy schedules, and even resentment. Which is why we have to start with the heart.
When I find myself short-tempered I have to do a heart exam. It’s possible the outgoing fountain got turned off inadvertently. The fountain of God’s love, forbearance, and longsuffering. He’s always supplying; I just sometimes fail to distribute.
Did you see the recent post, about Serving?
I have to fight the urge to want the opposite: to be served, and to receive. It’s part of our nature, but we are called to take on a new nature. To serve, and to give.
Working on that.
Click the square “Secret Words” image to get a printable version of the four phrases, plus the two Scripture passages.
I hope you like it.
If you think about it, let me know if you end up printing it and using it. And let me know if you’re working on some of your own secret words to show kindness to others.
The New Secret Words To Teach Your Children
You know what?
I know these words because I have received them. Words that did refresh my weary heart.
I wonder what secret words you’re resolving to use, or to teach? The ones that refreshed your weary heart?
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Thanks for sticking around.
Did you know 90% of disagreements are rooted in misunderstanding?
And 90% of communication is nonverbal?
That’s amazing.
One more: 90% of statistics are made up.
Most of us don’t truly calculate our lives this way, in percentages. After all, who could gather the data? No pollster has ever asked me about those things. (Maybe because 90% of the time I don’t answer calls from pollsters.)
But there’s likely some truth in those numbers. Maybe knowing the exact numbers isn’t the goal. Maybe the key word would be most.
It sounds like we need to be working on our attitudes and our understanding. Like those are easy, right?😉
No, it’s hard. But what if we could resolve 90% of our disagreements, or 90% of our dysfunction, or 90% of our difficulties.
What would it hurt to try?
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