February 26, 2022
Envy sounds soft, reasonable, and soothing. Like a friend. But envy isn’t your friend. I’ll tell you exactly when it appears, how to recognize it, and how to capture it for good.
How to Overcome Sneaky Old Envy
Envy. Sneaky old envy. Like a crafty cartoon character, it perches on our shoulder unseen, and points out disparity around us. Probably things we wouldn’t have seen.
Envy.
Can’t you hear its silky voice, murmuring softly?
- “Look at her car. It’s the luxury edition.”
- “When did he get a motorcycle? It looks brand new.”
- “Two vacations in one year? Did you hear that?”
Always comparing, always measuring, always pointing out the differences.
If the undercurrent was more angry, we would recognize it and silence it right away. But the thought is soft, almost sympathetic, stroking your need. It sounds friendly and innocent.
In fact, it seems like only an observation.
- “He just put his arm around her.”
- “Did her daughter just say, Yes Ma’am?”
- “Wow. Her dad is still alive. And in such good health.”
The verdict: Seeing something really doesn’t mean anything bad.
After all, we have eyes, right?
Hmmmm.
That soft voice in your head even murmurs a little “hmmm” as you glance at something. Just a little “hmmm.” Southern women know it means something. Even if you don’t know what it means in the moment, you’ll have a sly look. And you’ll ask later.
We can’t help it, noticing things. After all, it happened right in front of us, right? We notice things.
- Things we like,
- things we don’t like,
- change,
- motion,
- things we relate to ourselves or our circumstances somehow.
They get our attention. Shiny objects.
So noticing is natural, probably unavoidable. Noticing is simply a response to a stimulus. We see something, and we notice.
The verdict: That’s no crime. Noticing is fine.
Then, we have a thought about value. Which is something anyone can recognize. And should.
Recognizing value is simply the result of what we’ve been taught. It’s a necessary skill.
Not something to apologize for. Value’s a good thing.
Value
- The quality (positive or negative) that renders something desirable or valuable.
- The degree of importance given to something.
- That which is valued or highly esteemed, as one’s morals, morality, or belief system.
- The amount (of money or goods or services) that is considered to be a fair equivalent for something else.
(There is more if you want it. This is from a website called “Word Hippo.” If you do any writing, this is an incredible help for anything word-wise.)
Unless there’s a hmmm.- Hmmm. Look at her engagement ring.
- Hmmm. Nice Michael Kors bag.
- Hmmm.
Is it here that the road forks?
It is.
I’ll tell you what that voice on your shoulder does with that information.
- See
- Notice
- Recognize value
- Desire
How do we really feel about others receiving what we long for inside?
Tempted to skip this section? Me, too.
It’s uncomfortable. And you can just not do it if you don’t feel like it.
Kind of like some of those “preventative medical procedures,” right? They are uncomfortable, but they look inside for the unseen threats that need to be addressed.
Well, see if this persuades you to hang around:
I promise not to hurt your body here, and we will be quick, but you may feel a pinch in your heart.
Heart Exam.
We just need to take a quick look at what we really think about when we see something nice. Something nice that’s not ours.
I’ll go first, okay?
Usually I think I’m not envious. By nature I’m pretty content. But if I take a minute to look hard, I see opportunities. Some start with “I wish.” I wish our budget was a little bigger. I wish I had more time. I wish I was skinnier.
And maybe having those desires isn’t awful.
There’s a change, though, when I continue the sentence. “I wish I was skinner, like X” or “I wish my budget was bigger, like Y’s.” When that comparison creeps in, it’s the silky voice saying, “X is skinner than you.” Or “Y has a way bigger budget.”
It’s not complicated, I just need to look. Am I rejoicing in the blessings of someone else? Or am I resentful the blessing isn’t mine?
What about you? Do you have a warning phrase? A “hmmmm?”
Has there been a conversation about someone else who got what you thought you deserved? Maybe a little frown over how someone was able to achieve what you could not?
I wish my answers were “No.”
Okay. That’s all, y’all. The heart exam showed us what we needed. We could totally look deeper, but the results speak for themselves.
Envy is that roaring lion that is creeping outside the door. We can see him. He’s a lion. No need to do a closer exam.
We’re not questioning whether he’s a lion. We need to decide how to protect ourselves. That’s the question.
What will we do to keep him out?
How To Overcome Envy
You don’t overcome envy like you do a cough. When a cough appears, you buy some cough medicine and swallow a dose. Problem solved. Cough medicine is therapeutic, remedial, corrective. It’s the right way to use it. You wouldn’t take cough medicine to prevent a future cough.
On the other hand, overcoming envy is safeguarding, preventative. You have to do it before. Like taking your vitamin or your baby aspirin every day.
You overcome envy by preparing your heart. There has to be a conscious steadfastness in love and contentment or you’ll never overcome envy.
But there’s more. It isn’t just “positive thinking” or “mind over matter.”
How To Overcome Envy
The conqueror of envy is gospel love. Anything else will never have enough horsepower to mobilize against envy.
And gospel love isn’t sold in the convenience stores of our lives. It isn’t the superficial “bargain love” that lots of people appear to enjoy.
Gospel love comes from Christ, living in you, overflowing without limits, truly rejoicing in the gifts others receive.
Gospel love reaches out every time with grace, forgiveness, compassion, and kindness. Every time.
That’s impossible, to display that all the time, right? Which is why this kind of love isn’t found in the convenience stores. In this case, the generic is not acceptable. We have to hand over our investment for the name brand.
Gospel love costs us more in the beginning. We have to decide to push aside that bargain love.
Not everyone will go for the genuine article.
But once you have it, you know the ultimate price paid to create it in the first place. You find out that you got more than what came in the box. You got eternity. A ticket to eternity for going after the genuine article. And lifetime access to every lesson, every benefit, every privilege.
Using Gospel Love To Overcome Envy
The actual capturing of envy is the task of transforming it into joy.
Have you ever gently guided a toddler away from the stove? Or used an umbrella to shield yourself from rain? It’s a redirect. Just a moment in time when the direction of something is changed by your actions.
Overcoming envy is a redirect, too.
Kind of like Hoover Dam. You stop the river, and harness the flow into something useful and good.
But building that dam is costly. You sure can’t do it alone.
But when it’s there, wow. Major redirect. Envy conquered.
So that river of hmmmms, all those “noticings,” all those shiny objects, you just redirect them into something good. You never hear the “clunk” of the gutter ball because you stay right where you’re supposed to be: In the center of gospel love.
Soon you stop looking at the dam, and start looking at all the power you now have. Envy is a defeated, limp shadow, and the victor is gospel love.
Now you’ve harnessed the power of God’s love, because you value the blessings that others receive.
When others experience those successes or acquisitions, you can truly share their joy.
In the center of gospel love you care so much for others that their joy is your pleasure.
The gifts others receive are a joy to them. The blessings they receive wouldn’t be correct if they were diverted to you instead.
1 Corinthians 13 4-7 says this:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Selfless gospel love rejoices in the blessings of others because there is love for others.
Can You Overcome Envy
Well, sure. But it’s hard. It’s a battle you have to fight.
You want to really be deeply happy for someone else’s gain? It doesn’t come with just a wave of the hand or a change of expression.
Fighting envy is a winner-take-all event. There will be a conquest. Preparing for the battle is really hard.
For a lot of reasons.
You can’t show up late. Once you’ve stepped into the web with envy, your battle is a lot harder.
You can’t show up unprepared. Don’t be the person who brought a knife to a gunfight. Fighting envy is serious. You have to accept no less than winning.
You can’t let your supplies get disorganized or misplaced. You prepare them every single day, before you go out to battle.
When you’re fighting envy, the exact same information reaches you in the exact same way. But you take that information captive before it takes you captive.
Envy is one of the many forms of discontentment that appears on the menu of this life. That silky voice simply leads you to the buffet and shows you how attractive the fruit is, how much better your life will be if you take it.
(And a subject for another day: We will talk about what happens to the lives around you, when you are consumed with jealousy. )
Overcoming Envy and All Its Friends
We can only stand up to that kind of temptation with truth, righteousness, readiness, faith, salvation, and the Word.
And you’ll never be able to gather your defenses without reading your Bible.
Believe me, I know every excuse for postponing it, or simply not doing it. Guilty.
Did someone keep on telling me to do it? Oh, yes. He said it all. the. time. In a pretty bossy voice.
“Read your Bible. Every day.”
Of course I couldn’t tell him to stop. Then he’d know the truth — that I was neglecting my daily Bible reading.
The only way to stand up to that kind of constant counseling was to beat him at his own game. Read my Bible daily, and his words no longer convict me.
If you don’t have a daily reading plan, I’ll give you some easy places to get one.
And if you think a reading plan doesn’t work, you may end up where I was: Not reading. And defenseless.
Love God, Love Others
Matthew 22: 37-40 says: Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Blessings
If we truly love God, we will love his blessings, no matter where they land.
If we truly love others, we will love them right in their blessings, knowing that our Lord has arranged the blessings in the very best way.
The truth about envy is plain, but the power of envy is insidious.
(InSIDious: Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with very harmful effects)
To conquer envy, we have to shore up everything. Our knowledge, our preparation, our defenses, and our intentions.
Like an army, we need to know what envy is likely to do to us, how it appears, and what the uniform looks like. So we can see it approaching and recognize it. (Sounds like: Hmmm.)
If you’d like to “shore up” I have some great information for you.
First, regular Bible reading. Why do I repeat it? Because it took a lot of repeats to get me on track. I’m just passing along the nudge.
But there are also some great topics on Envy, things that helped me see some different forms of it.
A mom named Lindsay wrote a very honest article about envy called “How To Recognize Envy and What To Do About It. She found out how to hear her “hmmm“ which was her own little warning phrase. Interestingly, this topic was found at Military Mom Collective which I just stumbled on.
I often link to Crosswalk, and today’s topic is How To Stop Envy From Eating Away At Your Heart by Anne Peterson.
Two articles I found in researching pointed out that envy is not pleasurable. Maybe we know that, but we don’t say it. The first is by Tilly Dillehay at The Gospel Coalition, 4 Ways to Conquer Your Envy.
The second article about the ugliness of envy is by Stephen Witmer at Desiring God, Seven Strategies for Fighting Envy.
If you’d like to start daily Bible reading, you’ll find plenty of daily Bible reading plans.
- Bible Study Tools has one.
- Also ESV has a daily plan.
- See what John MacArthur says about a plan.
These plans often arrange the reading to get through the entire Bible in 365 days.
Or simply start, just reading 1-2 chapters a day. No one says you have to read the whole Bible every year. Well, some people do.
We all can agree on this: It is wise to read a little Scripture every day.
Some amazing online resources:
These are things you can enjoy just once, or every day. Look when you want, or have them sent to your inbox.
Revive Our Hearts, “Prayer In A Time of Crisis.” This is a podcast, so you can listen, but the text of the message is also printed if you prefer to read.
Proverbs 31 Ministries, Daily Devotions. You can sign up to receive daily devotional emails if you like. Or just read them online.
Grace to You, John McArthur, Daily Devotions. Again, available by e-mail, or going to the site.
Leading The Way, a ministry of Dr. Michael Youssef. Daily devotions and more.
If you want something in your hands instead of an online resource, here are a few suggestions:
Valley of Vision, a collection of Puritan Prayers.
One Minute Inspirations for Women, by Elizabeth George.
Choosing Gratitude, by Nancy Leigh Demoss.
Loving God With All Your Mind, by Elizabeth George.
Maybe you don’t struggle with envy. Either you just don’t, or you’ve found a way to overcome the tendency.
Our community would welcome your thoughts about the struggle and the victory.
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What’s the point? Recognize envy, and take it captive. Before it does exactly that to you.
What’s the tip of the week?
Forget the habit of comparison.
Stop comparing.
The “why” is so easy:
You will NEVER be exactly the same as someone else. You will be taller or shorter, lighter or heavier, richer or poorer, more successful or less successful, you get the idea.
If that comparison is not going to help you, and usually it’s not, stop it.
Self-comparison is a bad game, maybe even a deadly one. It can destroy our self-esteem in an instant, cloud our vision, and remove our motivation entirely.
Self comparison is destructive for the uninformed.
For the informed (which you now are) it’s foolish.
Don’t be that person, the one we gotta pity.
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