Original: August 17, 2020
Updated February 2023
Do you find yourself wondering how to write a thank-you note? Find out how to get it done and enjoy it!
How to write a thank-you note
Writing thank-you notes can be something you dread. You procrastinate, you struggle, you cross out words and start over.
Why?
Maybe you’re trying to meet a standard. Maybe you aren’t able to easily construct the words. Maybe you wish you had better penmanship.
Maybe you just don’t really know how to write a thank-you note. Like, you just haven’t really done it before.
All of these have been true for me.
Whatever the reason, what if we could get better at it, and what if we could enjoy it?
What if you had three helpful thoughts to get you inspired?
- Motivation to write the note.
- A clear guide to composition and structure.
- Good supplies, and a process to follow to complete the job.
That’s what you’ll find here, plus a great link with real help from a professional!
That’s right, today you’ll see exactly what to do and how to do it.
And you’ll never have to wonder again how to write a thank you note.
Thank-You Note: The Motivation.
Maybe this is the first step to almost anything. A worthy reason; a mission with a purpose.
The declining art of the written thank-you note is a sad development.
Here’s why it’s sad: We yearn for community and all the ways to experience it. A written note is something we do in community.
Sure, it’s proper and good manners. Sure, it’s expected.
But it’s really more than that.
It’s an affirmation. Affirmations are pretty rare. A written note will be picked up many times and read again, just to feel that lovely satisfaction at knowing something was appreciated.
Sometimes it’s important to imagine the recipient in this way, to remind you of the importance of what you will say. The words you write should convey affection and appreciation. We know its purpose is to acknowledge, but really it is much deeper. It is to produce a good feeling of satisfaction, to affirm the action of that person.
Thank-You Note: Getting Ready
So when you’re feeling a little burdened with the task, especially if you have several to write, try this: anticipate the moment the person receives your note. The time you take to write it is likely small in proportion to the results it will bring.
They say it takes seven positive things to outweigh one negative thing. (That’s kind of a statistic, and everybody knows that 90% of statistics are made up, right? 😉) Still, we have a tendency to discount or even forget positive things when the negative ones have discouraged us.
Suppose your kind expression actually turns out to be that game-changer for someone else’s discouragement? After all, the written word is kind of like proof that something’s good, right?
Thank-You Note: The Method
So maybe now you’re convinced it’s a good and noble thing, but getting started is tough. We’ve got some stilted prompts in our head from childhood…
Dear Grandma, thank you for the $2.00 for my graduation. I put it into savings. It will come in handy at college.
Or did you ever write this one?
Dear Janet, Would you like to be good friends? Tell me at recess. P.S. I have a powdered donut for you if you’re not sure.
Me, neither.
We just have a lot of canned responses to draw from, and they don’t seem to work.
And there are plenty of humorous references to “pink slips” and “Dear John letters” that give us negative thoughts about written notes.
We don’t want to sound goofy, or stiff and structured, but it’s hard to decide how to start, and how to finish.
Here’s A Sequence That WORKS:
- First, think of how you would naturally greet that person.
- Then maybe briefly mention your last time together.
- This is the point when you say thanks and name the gift or action.
- Something specific about the greatness of the gift or action goes here.
- Then a brief mention of the relationship or the future is next, or a mention of some common interest.
- You may throw in a second thank you if you’ve said a lot.
- And a warm closing is an easy way to wind it all up.
This is a structure that flows naturally with someone you know well.
Like this:
August 1, 2020
Aunt Ruth,
Wow. That was the quickest bridal shower ever! Drive-by’s are the best, aren’t they?
Thank you! The cloth masks you made are beautiful. (Who knew your old Bedazzler would have a new life?!) Harvey already tried on the one with the horse nostrils, and it fits perfectly. He and I are really running through our masks, and knowing we have fresh ones for our new home is so nice. I appreciate the cute basket to keep them in. You thought of everything!
I’d love to see you after things settle down. Let’s facetime after the virtual wedding and honeymoon. I’d love for Harvey to hear you tell the story about how you and Uncle Booth met at the Piggly Wiggly.
Thank you again!
Love,
Millie.
In fact, writing to someone you’re close to is probably the easiest.
But what if you don’t know the person well? A business acquaintance, or an in-law with whom you have little history.
A similar structure is still appropriate, just less personal, and maybe you don’t use every single category.
August 1, 2020
Dear Lambert and Rhoda,
Harvey and I opened your gift together, and were delighted to see the possum trap. We don’t have one, and this is way better than anything we could have added to the registry. I had no idea they came in colors.
Harvey tells me there is a big Christmas gathering each year at your lake house. I’m already looking forward to it. And I even have some fun ideas for the white elephant gift exchange.
Thank you again for the perfect gift.
Love,
Millie.
August 1, 2020
Mr. McDonald,
I was humbled to receive your generous gift, and so grateful. We have so much to do as we prepare to move in, and this will be incredibly valuable in helping us with that. I’ve already earmarked it for setting up our home office in the apartment. In fact, Harvey and I had a little wish list, and this has satisfied several of those items.
I sure miss seeing you at the office. I look forward to the time when we can all be back at our desks processing all those sock monkey orders.
I appreciate your thoughtfulness so much.
With gratitude,
Millie
So those are some sample structures that could get you on the right track.
Still, there’s the challenge of the supplies, a quiet place to write, and the time to do it.
How To Write A Thank-You Note:
Getting it done
First, find printed cards that make you happy.
Shop the discount stores and you’ll be amazed at the variety of designs and the prices. It doesn’t take long for something pretty and suitable to emerge! You don’t have to go to an upscale shop for the embossed formal notes.
Second, use a pen that makes you happy. Fountain pens are making a huge comeback, but I haven’t jumped on that yet. I do like a smooth-writing pen, and the weight and shape of the pen do matter to me. I’m also a little picky about having some extra paper under the one I’m writing on, just for padding.
Third, keep a box with all these supplies in it. Your note cards, pens, and some stamps. Also some return-address labels. When it’s all together, you don’t have to gather things from different places.
If you like, keep a little note pad there, and make a record of the notes you’ve written. Later, if you can’t remember whether you wrote a thank-you note, just check the list.
Having a box like this may encourage you to communicate in this old fashioned way more often! And there’s no shortage of pretty boxes to store your supplies!
Miss Manners would be so proud.
Find the place and time
When you’re ready, set aside a time and a quiet corner without distractions. Have your supplies ready.
Think about the instructions above — your motivation and your wording.
If you have several, start with the easiest. Somehow this “gets the squeaks out” by doing a few that are easy, and suddenly you’re relaxed!
The words flow and you’re making progress.
You don’t have to do too many at once. Just decide to do five a day, or whatever works for you. Stop before your hand is tired, and stop before you’re frustrated.
The professional help I promised…
Those are some basics, but you may really need more help. If you’d like even more suggestions for wording, look at this great article from Hallmark. You can’t get any more professional than a card company, right? For suggested phrases, this has to the best one. It’s worth printing and saving in that correspondence box!
Shortcuts
After all that professional help from Hallmark, if you’re still struggling, here are a couple of shortcuts I’ve used in the past.
I don’t typically use these shortcuts for things like shower or wedding gifts. First, because it would be frowned upon. Second, because I’m not getting married or having a baby. Which might also be frowned upon.
But I have used these shortcuts for some situations.
Card plus typed letter: Use a pretty card with a short handwritten note, but type a longer letter and enclose it. I do this if my note is really long and if my handwriting is going to be an absolute struggle for the recipient.
Another idea: Pretty letter paper. Type your note, but use pretty stationery in your printer. There are those who say this is not a proper substitute for the official thank you note for a gift, and I appreciate their expertise. But it is often what I do for a vague encounter or gesture that I want to mention and have a lot to say.
Here’s something for the person who’s reading along and feeling like this isn’t for them… If you’re completely unable to write and mail notes, please don’t feel bad. There are many reasons we might be unable to handwrite things. I can easily think of arthritis, a broken hand, or just plain weakness.
And here’s what I have to say about that:
Although as a society we have grown to have certain customs, modern communication makes it possible to send e-mails and even text messages on the fly. So take advantage of it.
When you can’t handwrite, choose the method you can do, and enjoy it. I’m sure your recipient will, too! Remember — the motive is more important than the method. It really helps to picture the person’s reaction when they receive it. I can’t think of anyone who would fail to enjoy the note just because it wasn’t handwritten.
The important thing: sending the note!
I hope reading the post has been an encouragement to you to pick up a pen and write to someone today. What you have to say is a valuable gift, something nice you can do for another person.
Once you put it in the mail, your kindness is on its way!
And now, let me say this:
About those cards…
I’m a complete enthusiast when it comes to pretty note cards. The ones featured in the photos in this post are a brand called “Bo Bunny” which I was unfamiliar with until recently. This variety is called Family Heirloom. Their others are beautiful as well. There is another collection called Boulevard that is very similar.
Look at these, Pink and Gold Floral Note Cards.
Papyrus Bohemian Boxed Cards. Just so pretty. Who wouldn’t like to get these??
Revive Our Hearts Heaven Rules Note Cards are great for inspirational communications!
We’ve talked about thank-you notes, but you know there’s something else that’s just as valuable.
The occasional handwritten letter or card is a treasure, even if it isn’t a “thank-you” note.
- There’s a lot of comfort in a sympathy card or letter.
- Encouraging notes for people who are sick can be so soothing.
- The “I miss you” notes are nice for catching up.
- Sometimes just a random event can be a time when you know a kind note would be “just the thing.”
September 1, 2020
Oh, Leonard,
I was so saddened to hear about your mother’s accident with the wax. I’m sure you are relieved to know she is better, and this certainly served as a warning to us all.
Please know that we are not concerned with our candle orders, and if she really decides to close the shop permanently we will be fine.
I predict either way her creations will always be treasured keepsakes among many. (Please be sure to tell her that!)
I still remember how it all started, and we all have enjoyed seeing her do so well (and you, too!). Just think, all those years together on the school bus as regular kids, and now your family is set for life if you never work another day! That’s something to be happy about. We are all so proud of everything you have accomplished.
Millie
Dear You, my treasured reader,
Thanks for being here. The blog was brand new in February, 2020, right before… you-know-what (the endless pandemic).
It’s been peaceful here in spite of the rest of the madness, and it’s been nice to have you drop by and visit when you’re able. (And with no masks — Yay!) Your comments and e-mails are greatly appreciated.
I know I always say this, but please look around and enjoy yourself while you’re here.
Hang out, check out the other posts in the Archive if you like.
Fondly,
Grammye
Thank you for visiting! At GFP company is always welcome!
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-Grammye
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