April 30, 2021
Old people: Simple tips that help you help them. 3 things you might not know, that you can try today.
Want a hint? How to articulate, situate, and congregate!
But first, my scary story…
HAS THIS HAPPENED TO YOU?
This awful thing keeps happening to me every day. And it’s not a dream. It’s a recurring thing that creeps up and shocks me every single day.
I walk by a mirror, and an old person is there in my reflection. She has wrinkles, a posture that shows her age, and some poorly-placed weight that can’t possibly be mine.
As I get closer, the mirror insists that it’s me. And it’s shocking.
😦 I’m Getting Older.
It’s hard to accept getting older. Because I’m the “young me” inside — still skinny. Still physically active and able. Still playful and energetic. How long can I keep up with the inner image?
My feet aren’t as comfortable going barefoot. I have a growing knowledge that a fall could break a bone (more likely now than 10-20 years ago). Makeup application is… different. Other stuff that is better unsaid.
I don’t like any of that.
I have spent the last 30 years or so enjoying my “place” in life, the stages of my family, and my own personal endeavors. And those things are still the source of so much pleasure and contentment.
But…
The trip is halfway over, and we are turning for home.
Do you have moments when you feel surprised by time? Like, … a lot of it is behind us? The things you did just a minute ago are now in your distant past.
Suddenly you’re turning into your parents, or you have one of those “realizations” that an old person had good advice.
Brave Old Time, Marching Ahead No Matter What.
The ship turned so smoothly and slowly that I didn’t realize it until now:
The shore is no longer to my right. It’s up ahead. But the ship is still turning. And I know the shore will be on the left after that.
While I was relaxing and being lulled along in the motion of life, the view began to change significantly.
🎵 To Everything, Turn, Turn, Turn…
I asked that woman in the mirror what this all means, and she simply stared back at me, waiting, as if she was the one with the question.
I don’t think she’s going to help me.
😒 Maybe she’s grouchy. (You know a lot of old people are grouchy.)
Anyway, unbelievably, there are people even older than I am. I know, right? So I’m reviewing what others have taught me, and gaining a better appreciation for that knowledge.
Even exploring why we are reluctant to give it much thought.
Here’s a question:
Why is it so much easier to cuddle a cute baby or even a puppy than find time to show affection to an old person?
It sounds awful, asking that question.
But somewhere in the answer is a truth we need to seek out and embrace. That maybe we aren’t paying attention like we should.
OLD PEOPLE: WHAT DO THEY NEED?
So what do you do with these people who are on the return portion of the trip?
How do you understand their priorities?
(And don’t ask me! I’ll just stare back — I’m the one with the question!)
Our job isn’t to know everything. But our job is to learn. And that’s exactly what today is about.
3 SIMPLE TIPS THAT HELP OLD PEOPLE
I have 3 tips for you today. They aren’t about caretaking, or about sickness, or about death.
They are simply 3 things someone may not have told you yet.
Because it’s time for you and I to acknowledge the position of the ship, and the people who are seeing the view on the return trip.
These 3 things won’t even make you uncomfortable. They are just tiny helps you can actually use today.
Here we go:
OLD PEOPLE: SIMPLE TIPS THAT HELP
Tip #1: How to talk.
All old people aren’t hard of hearing. For instance: My grandmother almost jumped out of her wheelchair one day when someone asked her a question in a shout. It was so unexpected, and we both were terribly startled. Her hearing never declined, but the person assumed it had. Awk-ward.
On the other hand, I once watched a nurse speak to a very hard-of-hearing person and was shocked at what she did. She leaned over, put her lips right at the lady’s ear, and shouted (loud enough to be heard at a NASCAR race), “HOW ARE YOU DOING TODAY?”
That lady smiled with delight and said, “Fine.”
Y’all, every single day I am grateful that someone shows me how to do something.
So the moral of the stories: Don’t assume someone can hear well, or can’t hear at all. There are way too many factors to cover here.
But I’ve got this one thing anyone can do.
The secret someone shared with me?
Higher sounds are the ones that disappear first. So make your voice low.
If you aren’t heard, speak louder but still low.
It feels like the most unnatural thing in the world, and even can be uncomfortable, but it works! And you can get better if you practice.
That’s Tip #1. Speak low and loud.
OLD PEOPLE: SIMPLE TIPS THAT HELP
Tip #2: Balance and falling.
This is a much-studied thing, and progress is being made, discoveries that really help.
In the meantime, prevention and awareness are huge strides you can take to stay safe.
My current errand list includes getting some rug tape to settle one of our most threatening fall spots. It hasn’t happened yet, but we are living dangerously with this curled up corner of a rug.
It is going to trip someone — a child, an adult, a guest. It’s time to fix it.
Rugs are a big thing.
The other big thing? The shower.
Do you worry about falling in the shower? I do. 😒 Afraid the EMT’s won’t be able to help me because they can’t stop laughing.
You know what? We really don’t talk with others about shower habits. At least I don’t.
And that’s a shame, because…
There is this thing you can do that is really helpful.
I’m not talking about walk-in tubs, but one day I’m sure I will be.
I’m simply talking about how our bodies use information to balance and stabilize. Have you ever closed your eyes in the shower and felt just a hint of that “what-if-I-fall” tilt?
There’s a reason for that.
Our vision helps us keep the “this-side-up” perspective. But there’s something else. Our physical touch sends similar brain messages. Holding a hand rail is helpful physically, but also mentally. How, exactly?
It tells our brain something about dimension and gravity and direction.
By the way, If that’s something you want to investigate, the term is “proprioception.” It is a fascinating topic.
And that explanation is the introduction to this second interesting tip.
When in the shower, put your hand on the wall frequently. That helps, to connect to the wall. But you can’t continually hold on, because… well, your hands are busy.
So do this: place one foot at the side, where the floor meets the wall, even if it’s a tub. And try to leave it positioned there.
Maybe your little pinky toe is kind of tilting up a little at the wall.
That’s it — just put your toes at the wall. Amazingly, your brain will quickly complete the picture of “this-side-up” in your perception, and you will feel less of that “what-if-I-fall” tilt.
When you try it, you’ll almost feel the change in your perception. Kind of exciting, the calculations our brain does constantly, isn’t it?
So that’s the second easy tip. Place your foot at the edge of the tub.
OLD PEOPLE: SIMPLE TIPS THAT HELP
Tip #3: Community.
What is community?
A feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.
Community happens when people are together, for a period of time, sharing circumstances.
Together.
Time.
Sharing.
Ask questions. Ask other people, ask old people. Ask.
Old people have stories, and lots of them. As young people, we are so consumed with the business of our own lives that we miss the value of what old folks can share.
I try to share my childhood stories with my grandchildren.
And my mother has amazing stories. She tells them well.
You don’t have to arm yourself with a list of questions, though you can.
All you have to do is ask for a story about something.
Telling stories (or hearing them) is one of the healthiest forms of intimacy. It builds relationships, and instills value. In both directions.
It’s time well spent.
And it connects
- questions to answers,
- older to younger,
- current to past.
It connects.
That’s the third thing to remember. Community.
OLD PEOPLE: SIMPLE REFLECTIONS
In most of life we look back, after the fact, and see the missed opportunities, the roads not taken.
As our knowledge and history increase, we realize in many things there was a better way.
And that’s true in all of life. Not just when we’re old.
Like this:
At age ten, you wish you hadn’t ridden your bike over that rock at age six to see what it felt like.
At age twenty you wish you had gotten the braces at twelve like you were told.
At age sixty, you wish you had saved more toward retirement when you were forty.
It’s just how it is. It’s just truth.
And without this truth, there wouldn’t be wisdom.
Don’t Skip Wisdom!
If you usually skip over that word, wisdom, please pause here.
I am sharing an article about wisdom from Jeff Scott, called The Definition of Wisdom. He gives this interesting perspective: “Without knowledge, understanding, and righteousness you cannot have true wisdom.”
Now slow down a second, and put that into your “mind file” — Wisdom requires knowledge, understanding, and righteousness.
It’s a description, a requirement, and an instruction!
He has this fascinating chart that shows the progression of these three elements in 8 different situations. (I love straightforward things like this. The “Now I understand” click is so pleasant when we see the concept presented so clearly.)
If you’re old, please share wisdom. And if you’re not, please seek it.
In fact, let’s do both, no matter how old we are, with no distinction. Why wouldn’t we?
And remember the 3 things to try:
- Talk low and loud. (Articulate.)
- Work on balance and safety. (Situate.)
- Listen to a story. (Congregate.)
Are we seeing our elders as a treasure? The Bible says “They still bear fruit in old age.”
MORE AMAZING TIPS
What I’ve shown you is only a tiny peek into this.
Want to really make things better for old people?
I’ve linked to One Good Thing by Jillee before. She has the best things for every kind of question you have! Here she gives you 13 Simple Tips That Make Life Easier for Older Adults.
Is there something here for you? Will you try one thing today?
Tell me how it goes!
Maybe you have some experience with old people. Simple tips to help are appreciated here. Like, seriously. Do you have something you can share?
Today’s post isn’t specifically about caregivers. If you’re really looking for help with caregiving, I have a great list of resources called What You Need To Know About Caring For Aging Parents.
Also, if it’s your season, read about being in the Sandwich Generation, caring for both parents and children.
And some time ago there was a post about Multigenerational Living.
And about saying “Old People”…
For those who are attuned to the politically correct: I’m really fine with saying “old people.” Tips that help any age group should be simply that. And for most of my life I’ve probably already been an old person to somebody.
(
That crowd is getting bigger every year!)
A young child (who shall remain nameless) recently told me something so sweet: Mrs. B, a lady he really likes, is probably about my age “because she has old hands” like mine. I know that makes you groan a little, in understanding.
But it didn’t hurt my feelings. Because you know what? The face that accompanied those words was really sweet and really truthful.
He loves me, and I’m old.
Would it be more pleasant to be called a fashion model or a young woman? Sure. Call me that anytime — really!
But…
The more I accept the truth of who I am, the less it hurts my feelings when others observe the same truth. 
Want to hear something really beautiful about aging?
“Between human beings in and beyond middle age a comparable difference appears.
Some grow old gracefully, meaning, fully in the grip of the grace of God.
Increasingly they display a well-developed understanding with a well-formed character: firm, resilient, and unyielding, with an unfailing sense of proportion and abundant resources for upholding and mentoring others.”
― Finishing Our Course with Joy: Guidance from God for Engaging with Our Aging.
You saw that, right? Some grow old gracefully, increasing in character.
I hope I’m “some.” Don’t you?
Thank you! At GFP company is always welcome!
If you liked this topic 🤗, feel free to 👉 share 👈 on Facebook or Pinterest, or send a link to a friend.
Are you on Pinterest? That is a crazy fun place! You can find so many helpful things. Take a look at what I’ve saved for you! A lot of things that never make it to the blog. Here are my Pinterest pins, and I also have categories/boards if you’re looking for something specific.
-Grammye
I’m Grammye, and I’m collecting and sharing ideas that can help you embrace the life you have.
When things are difficult, come here to refresh and relax. We’ll have coffee and talk.
You’re invited
to the neighborhood of GFP.
Accept by signing up
and I’ll send you a letter right away.
What’s the tip of the week? Thanks for sticking around for it!
Ladies, it’s not about housework! Yay!
The tip is a beauty tip! Just one tiny thing.
I said earlier that makeup was becoming more challenging.
One factor that helps define our expression and features is this: our eyebrows.
Our brows become thinner, paler, and less pronounced as we age. Trying to find the right level of enhancement is difficult.
Try to achieve a reasonable look with some color, some definition, and some arch. Not too much. Try to get somewhere between Oscar The Grouch and Curious George. At least that’s where I’m starting!
You know it when someone gets it right — like Anne Archer, the actress. She is gorgeous. Every time I see her, I just sigh. Her face is so fabulously expressive. And her eyebrows — I think probably the most perfect eyebrows ever. They should have their own mention in the credits. “Facial expressions provided by Anne Archer’s Eyebrows, Left and Right.”
Anne Archer.
See what I mean?
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You keep me laughing and thinking at the same time😁!
You know what? That makes me really happy. There’s always a good laugh packed in my purse, just in case. Thanks for being here for the laughter and for the serious stuff. I’m always glad to see you. And always hoping for an eyebrow raise at the very least. 😄