June 4, 2021
It’s hard to find out what you need to know about caring for aging parents. You need actual instructions, not vague ideas.
We want someone to tell us how to take each step, and how to make it really work for our own situation.
What You Need To Know About Caring For Aging Parents
If you’ve been around awhile, you’ll remember one of my very early articles on Multigenerational Living. Later at the suggestion of a friend, I addressed the Sandwich Generation. Then recently there was a post on Three Things You Can Do to Help Older People. These have been popular and helpful, but they skirted some of the realities of the subject of caregiving.
Why did I avoid the real issues?
- Maybe because it is a sensitive topic.
- Or because I’m fortunate enough to have a young mom.
- Possibly it’s because I think mysterious other people know more than I do.
And those are good reasons. Honest ones.
But it’s time, as someone kindly pointed out, to give more concrete help to caregivers.
And I found out something:
The answer to a big secret. 😦
There’s no map. No guide. Nada. 😩
You know why there’s no step-by-step guide? Because it’s so complicated. And every person’s situation is different.
Like Grand Central Station, everybody comes from a different direction, and has a different destination. At different times. On different levels.
And you’re not going where they’re going. You’re going where you’re going.
So stop looking for the elusive step-by-step numbered guide that doesn’t exist. 🧐
And don’t panic. You don’t need it. 👍🏻
RIGHT NOW, TAKE A BREATH
You will learn a new way to think about things.
You will learn to recognize the different areas of need, because each one requires a different service, and a different source for information.
You will create your own path.
- You will identify the areas you’ll be addressing.
- You will spend your time learning how to navigate different systems.
- People will help you, and you’ll start resolving issues. And you can.
Plenty of Resources for Caring For Aging Parents
To get you started, I have SIXTEEN different resources for you today. Multiplied. Every single one contains more resources to tell you what you need to know about caring for aging parents.
The very first one will show nine different considerations you’ll be exploring.
The second resource guides you through seven initial steps to take.
Then keep reading for 7, 8, 9, 10, 40, and more important resources.
What’s the big idea?
Nailing down an answer to a question can be as easy as pie. But more often, it’s as difficult as pomegranates. Breaking into a subject and finding what you really need takes a lot of time.
Today I’ve tried to crack open the outer shell and expose what you’re after, collecting information in different presentations to deliver the knowledge you need:
Content centered around transitions of our treasured senior family members.
Will it be helpful? I sure hope so. Please let me know.
Fair warning: It’s a LOT of information.
If you’re serious about making a plan, get yourself a notebook or start a folder of documents on your computer.
Start planning the different areas of care you’ll want to address, and stay organized with what you find.
First, general overview topics, and then more specific items.
Here we go:
9 Things To Consider When Caring for Aging Parents
When you begin a new endeavor, maybe you don’t even know what the questions are! Most of us are not trained in assessing the care needs of people, so this is a great view from the top.
Sometimes it’s nice to see all those areas of care at the beginning, instead of being blindsided repeatedly over time as you seek help.
And you have a lot of seeking to do.
What are “areas of care?” Things that professionals know to address. And we don’t. That’s why we all need to look at an overview of the types of issues that come into question. The areas addressed here are
- Activities of Daily Living
- Safety Issues
- Medical and Health Issues
- Legal and Financial Issues
- Housing Issues
- Quality of Life
- Planning Ahead
- Relationships
- Self Care.
9 Types of Issues To Address When Helping Older Parents is a great list for us to start with, by Leslie Kernisan, M.D.. Not only does she touch on a number of triggering issues, but she names these different areas of help and gives plenty of information on each.
Specific Areas of Immediate Need
I mentioned triggering issues above because usually there is some issue of concern that causes you to question the ability of an older person to continue to live alone.
What kind of “triggering issue? Maybe an event, like a fall, or it could be a slow-growing problem, like forgetfulness or not eating.
This article, in seven steps, sets up a way to think of things, helping you to see more clearly. For instance, thinking about your own needs and abilities, financial considerations, etc..
Step 1 lists these areas to assess:
- Family Support
- Home Safety
- Medical Needs
- Cognitive Health
- Mobility
- Personal Hygiene
- Meal Preparation
- Social Interaction.
That’s just Step 1! The seven steps you are shown will be the real value in this article called 7 Steps To Take When Aging Parents Need Help, by Daily Caring.
What You Need To Know About Long-Term Care
Surprisingly, long-term care means a lot of things. This article, A Guide to Long Term Care For Seniors, is an excellent overview of different long-term care options including
- Services
- Living arrangements
- Financial considerations.
I would say this is an essential read if you’re on a quest to understand what your senior might need and how it is provided. This topic is provided by Senior Living.
Government Resources That May Help
Financial considerations keep creeping in to your journey. Is your senior eligible for financial consideration to receive care? How do you apply?
This article, 10 Government Resources Every Caregiver Should Know About, gives a great starting point for seeking answers about finances.
40 Valuable Resources, Things You Need To Know When Caring For Aging Parents
Looking for a list of organizations that may offer support for caregivers?Check out these 40 Resources for Adult Children Caring For Aging Parents.
That’s a lot of resources, and the topic is provided by Senior Lifestyle, specialists in communities for seniors.
Difficult Conversations With Aging Parents
As you enter a state of complete overload, you have to be sensitive to the transitions you are considering from the perspective of your parent.
How difficult it would be to give up independence, and enter the place of relying on others. As you have found, it is not a unilateral decision. This article, Parenting Your Aging Parents When They Don’t Want Help, gives a very real look at the view from the other side. It’s very thoughtfully written by Judith Graham.
Moving In Together with Aging Parents
And here we are, the point many reach, exploring the reality of living together. Will that be the answer for you? If you’re considering it, take a look at a brief overview of some things you might want to investigate.
Michelle Nickolaisen addresses a number of considerations I would never have thought of in Straight Talk: How To Move Your Parents In With You.
What you need to know about Planning Ahead
This is a well-written article about living together with parents, a bright look at planning ahead, the reality, and making it work. Anne Marie Mecera tells her story in This Is What Happened When My Parents Moved In.
A great peek into expectations, realities, and changes, definitely something you need to know when caring for aging parents.
About Medical Situations with Aging Parents
Entering the arena of your parents’ medical care can be challenging. Without an outright suggestion that you take any action, I simply want to point out a few things that can be helpful should your parents desire your assistance. Being aware of options can be good preparation for future events/changes.
First
With the development of electronic records, many physicians offer a patient portal to access medical records. This gives access to lab results, medication lists, and communication history, as well as notes on recent evaluations. And so much more.
As you know, when a patient has multiple specialists, it’s so helpful to be able to exchange information with each one. This really does eliminate a lot of the communication halts, the struggle with remembering the correct spelling and doses of medications, dates, and so much more.
Will your parent invite you to share in the access to that information?
Second
If physical or mental conditions are deteriorating to the level that help is needed, your physician can determine if a home evaluation is appropriate. With an order from a physician, an experienced evaluator assesses the patient and the setting to determine a patient’s need for assistance.
This can seem like a complicated area of health care, but social workers and physicians can guide you through the process and help you to understand how services are structured and how they relate to your particular situation.
Through a home health agency or hospice company, a patient may undergo an evaluation for in-home, palliative, hospice, or in-facility care. It’s here that you’ll find yourself knee-deep in terms like assisted living, skilled nursing care, physical therapy, occupational therapy, etc..
Take your time, and learn the language and processes that will help you receive what you need.
You may be surprised to find out just how many services are available to your senior right in their own home.
Third
A mention of something we often don’t fully understand. When a cure is no longer an option, compassionate care is vital. In this article, Doctors Explain Hospice and Palliative Care, you get a detailed look at how decisions are made, what care is available, why it is offered, and how it is delivered.
Personally I have a great appreciation for this area of health care, and I was relieved when people took out the mystery and helped me to understand what was available.
More resources:
An Unlikely Hero for Caregivers of Aging Parents
Facebook Groups! Did you know? Two different people have told me recently how joining a Facebook group turned out to be a great source of information and encouragement. This is a very practical way for others along the same difficult road to share experience, advice, and kindness.
What should you search for? Maybe a group for the location you are in, or the particular disease or difficulty you are facing.
Arranging Insurance
Medicare Insurance Specialists. Does this seem out of place? Not if you’ve experienced this. Actually there are insurance agents who specialize in Medicare supplement plans. My advice: Don’t try to navigate this alone. These experts can guide you safely through the choices ahead, helping you select a plan that gives you the exact benefits you need. You think it will cost you to sit down with someone, but it will save money and give you a plan that fits your needs.
Local Services
Your local county offices also have some type of senior services. You may be surprised at what they can do to help you. These agencies actually exist to help you find what you need to know when caring for aging parents.
Last, But Not Least
In fact, the last may be first. Your Church may have connections and resources to assist you. Check for ministries for seniors, or ask someone on staff.
WHEW! TAKE A BREATH,
and TAKE YOUR TIME
Be ready for some long searches and a lot of note taking. Being patient, learning to speak the language of elder care, understanding the sequences, it all takes time.
Where’s someone who knows how it feels to be caring for aging parents?
What if you could read a story that is focused on the heart? Not the tasks, not the forms to complete, but the heart that God sees?
You’re about to be pointed to a sweet blog post that highlights the beauty of caring for others, directly from Scripture.
Here’s your link:
It’s called Taking Care of Grandma and it’s just the beginning. If you want to “turn over a few rocks” there at the site 🙂, you may find something that really resonates with you. There’s some practical, some spiritual, and (predictably, I guess) some awful stuff.
And 2 more:
If you would like Six Great Bible Verses for Caretakers, check out this beautiful guide to encourage your heart during the struggle.
And one more well-written article that shines a soft sweet light on what you are doing: The Spiritual Importance of Caregivers.
God sees the bigger picture of your struggle. He sees your abilities, your fears, and your future. He promises to be present in our moments with the comfort of the Holy Spirit.
Take a second for yourself.
Here’s what I hope you noticed: This article is for you. It’s focused on getting resources into your hands. It’s focused on the struggle and the search. Focused on mapping out the journey, and preparing for the decisions.
It probably leaves you feeling like you’ve just been launched in a thousand directions. Every single resource here offers a look at something you potentially will need. Please come back later and look again, when you have more questions. Because more resources will be added, and all this is to help address the practical changes you’ll be making.
And you know what? That leaves you with the task of focusing on your mom or your dad, or a grandparent, or another person you care about.
I hope you see it all through a lens of love, of respect, of honoring.
And I hope you reach solutions that bring peace to your heart during a journey that makes long days seem endless.
The Endless Journey, Finding What You Need
If I said this was an exhaustive list, I would be telling the truth. Or maybe a better word is “exhausting.”
And still, so many questions are left unanswered.
Do you need this? Maybe now, maybe later. Do you know someone who does?
And how much more do we need, as we encounter these difficult decisions of being grown-ups?
Please:
Say something in the comments about your own journey, about what I missed, or about caregiving in general. What do you need to know about caring for aging parents? I appreciate your contribution.
Having a book on hand can sometimes be a great comfort.
Why don’t you take a look at these? Be sure to read the reviews.
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What’s the tip of the week? Thanks for sticking around! It’s this:
Don’t wait for things to get easier, simpler, better. Life will always be complicated. Learn how to be happy right now. Otherwise, you’ll run out of time.
Thank you again for being here. And don’t forget to add your encouragement in the comments. I look forward to having you share your thoughts.
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